11/7/2011

I want a girlfriend

problem= dunno what that is; never dated anyone

therefore I want a companion I can be safe with, someone I can relax around, someone id be ok with being close to (I mean close in a purely personal space reference though I of course desire emotional proximity as well, as I said above)

so this gf of mine would be someone I am close to and comfortable with etc. or is it someone i feel  I might be able to one day be close to etc.?

if a – I don’t have anyone that close to me

- don’t even have anyone to read this thing

If b – I am a terrible judge of character/scared of myself- what if I misjudge someone as being the potential relationship partner person when they aren’t (either do not wish to be or aren’t compatible) theres def been ppl I thought I could date at first but whom I no longer felt I could even spend significant periods of time around as I got to know them better for no other reason than that they rubbed me the wrong way/some things they thought I didn’t mind hurt(emotionally)
 

So basically im looking for soemthing - don’t know what it is- don’t know what it looks like - and I don’t know where to find it

All ive got is the whole in my heart looking for that someone to fill it

Like that toy when ur a kid and uve gotta fit the differently shaped blocks into the wholes but u don’t know which one goes where  or what theyre called

Except instead of 4 options ive got 4 million or so, they all go in different places, and if u put the wrong one in itll damage itself and me as well so that the one I was looking for may no longer be the one I need

How can I want sex when i don’t even know what it is

Its easy to be apathetic  when theres no real desire other than peer pressure, curiosity, and maybe the hope of the unknown (aka the grass is greener) and as far as a sex drive goes well that’s what porn is for

Help and Hello are so similar on the keyboard the "o" is right next to the "p" all it takes is one little movement and the cry for help becomes a mask of cheer